Previously, on May 25, 2005, I described 15 mostly-nice cars I’ve owned and valued over the years. Today, I’ll concentrate on eight really awful cars I didn’t own – cars built so badly and performing so poorly that there’s something really special about them. I doubt you will find any of these in our September Rod Run to the End of the World.

Mid-70s MGBs qualify, since owners immediately had to seek out a sack to collect the parts that fell off the car the first week they owned one. Although the MGB ran poorly, overheated constantly, and was usually unreliable, owners did learn how to work on cars.

The 1974 Chevy Vega appears to have been built from compressed rust. The windows leaked and the engine had to be rebuilt annually. It had no acceleration and was too small for a full-size human. But they were cheap – and a great starter car – for aspiring mechanics.

The Chrysler Reliant (an oxymoron?) could be the poster child for under-built cars. It had a suspension package that, after 30,000-40,000 miles, made a driver feel like he was driving in a tornado, six inches off the ground. Don’t forget the door hinges welded to the frame and door handles made of pot metal that broke off in your hand.

The 1974 Ford Pinto (mercilessly lampooned in movies like “Kentucky Fried Movie”) tended to explode when its rear bumper was lightly tapped. A Bloomington, Ill. friend of mine owned a ’74 Pinto when thieves hit his block (in a relatively crime-free neighborhood). Twelve cars were stolen that night. Thieves broke into the Pinto, started to pull out the ignition, and then concluded, “What the hell am I doing?” The Pinto was there the next morning.

A company (that carefully refrained from identifying itself) manufactured the 1970 Plymouth Cricket minicompact in Japan. That car was the first “fully biodegradable” vehicle, beginning to recycle itself as soon as the purchase agreement was signed. Most major moving parts were replaced the first year. A Cricket spent more time in the dealer’s garage than in the owner’s driveway.

The 1972 Ford Galaxy offered nonexistent handling, feeble brakes, rotten sheet metal, and 10 miles to the gallon – highway. What more could you ask?

The 850 Fiat Spider was especially bad, although it was really quite a nice-looking car that could serve as a babe-magnet, if you could keep it operational for more than a few days at a time. Besides looking like toys, Fiats were designed and built as though they were toys. And the Fiat 128 – the father of the Yugo – was something else to behold.

But the all-time champion worst car – in a class by itself – has to be the Yugo – manufactured in Yugoslavia between 1986-92 and inspiring countless jokes like “What comes with every Yugo owner’s manual? The bus schedule.”

Each Yugo model – priced at just $3,990 – came with its own tool kit. Car experts described Yugos as “frail” – just as today’s Hummers are “kind of big.”

Owners (160,000 in the U.S.) had to be immune to breakdowns, weak engines and ridicule. Surprisingly, many Yugo owners I’ve met brushed off the Yugo’s bad rep like lint from their shoulders. This, despite the fact that Yugos didn’t have air conditioning or good sound systems, styling was minimal, engines (1,100 cc) were really small, and most considered them as a second car or a throwaway car.

It got so bad in the late 80s that some car dealers would sell you, say, a Cadillac and throw in a Yugo for free. But despite the stigma and bad jokes, “How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill the tank with gas,” Yugos lingered on, like a bad cough.

After all, no one compares Yugos with Lamborghinis. The Yugo’s “charms” are much more subtle. You can get 38 miles to the gallon – not a bad value at today’s gas prices. And you don’t see a lot of other Yugos on the road – providing a sort of perverse pride for some. It’s a great icebreaker when you’re filling the tank. And it’s like a small dog with bad breath – unpleasant but harmless.

That’s my partial list of really rotten cars, folks. And I didn’t even discuss the AMC Gremlin the Chevy Chevette, or the forthcoming, cheap Chinese cars.

Some owners loved those cars. But look up the word “execrable” in your dictionary. Those cars I’ve described meet that definition.

Reach Observer columnist Robert Brake at oobear@centurytel.net