Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

  Mark Twain

    Frost on the pumpkin and snow on the hills now we know for certain the holiday season is upon us. And, as we sneak up to Thanksgiving and watch the Christmas frenzy overwhelm this holiday of gratefulness (Black Friday, indeed), Ive had an idea rolling around in my brain.

    Why not make Thanksgiving the time to slow down and take a personal inventory, tweak a few things in preparation for the new year? Its true that Jan. 1 gives us a more definitive time to wipe the slate clean and set new goals; but the delusion that one day into 2012 were going to snap our fingers and presto-chango become the individuals weve always wanted to be is bunk. We all know that.

    So Im proposing Thanksgiving resolutions that gives us a little more time.

   

Day of feasting

    If youre lucky, youre getting ready for that browned bird to come out of the oven, along with the other tastes and smells of our American harvest tradition.

    The meal at my place looks like this: organic turkey, oyster stuffing, mashed potatoes, tons of gravy (the biggest crisis Post-Thanksgiving is coming out even so you have enough gravy for the hot turkey sandwiches), green bean casserole, bean salad, tomato aspic, smoked salmon, cauliflower and cheese sauce, cranberry sauce (two kinds), pumpkin with whipped cream; and, of course, plenty of libation for those who imbibe.

    Now thats what I call a feast and, truly, matching this with a feasting of thankfulness seems only right. So I say its time to take stock.

    Yes, its been a good year despite the challenges, the unexpected expenses, the illnesses, misunderstandings and disappointments. But what about an personal accounting too? The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool (Richard Feynman).

    Lets make Thanksgiving a time for self-reflection: How could I have been kinder, more loving this year? Whom could I have helped that I failed to notice? How can I match this external feast of abundance with the abundance of opportunities to give?

   

My corner of the universe

    By your stumbling, the world is perfected (Sri Aurobindo).

    We are imperfect beings. There, I said it, forever and ever, amen. We will hurt ourselves and the people most beloved to us, again and again. Its the inevitable nature of being human. Try as we might we fall into selfishness, denial, and gluttony (just one more teeny piece of pie, please, and, by the way heres my Christmas list). Theoretically, this just gives us more opportunity to try to get it right next time.

    Our culture doesnt help much either. The American media machine has encouraged us to become more skilful at consuming than at giving. And that American spirit of Wild West independence goads us, If you lose your job or fall into poverty, its your own damn fault. I hope were not becoming a culture that does not take care of its people.

    I hope this Thanksgiving we can take a little time to reflect on humility and responsibility, remembering that There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving: and thats your own self (Aldous Huxley).

    But, cmon, is this really possible? Our spiritual advisers say it is. My counselor says, Make some time every day to be quiet just 10 minutes will do. Yet even this I find easy to ignore just 10 minutes! Are you kidding, I ask myself sheepishly, you cant find 10 minutes in your day to be grateful or to ask forgiveness?

    I have to remember that building new habits takes time, and that those old habits must be, as Twain says, coaxed down the stairs a step at a time and shown the door. Even Mother Teresa wisely noted, We can do no great things; we can do small things with great love.

   

A trembling science

    Even scientists have determined that there is a god place in the brain; a mental or emotional tendency to feel one with the world that can be discovered and nurtured. Grief can take us there. Someone who goes through a time of grieving over the loss of a loved one is in great pain. At the same time, this individual has a heightened sense of what is essential and what is not essential. (Robert Sardello, in Love and the Soul of the World.)

    Weve lost some very good friends this year and grieving them has brought us to our knees. Its a good place from which to view ourselves and the world.

    It is important to figure out whats essential and whats not for myself, my family, my relationships, and for us as a culture: What kind of people are we? What is most important to us and, then, what will we support with our blood, sweat and tears?

    Harvest time is not just about gathering fruits from the garden. Its about gathering our friends around us to sit at a table; maybe to ask them How are you doing, really, and how can I be a better friend to you? And then taking the time to listen from the heart The best mirror is an old friend, said Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Thanksgiving is the time to shower the people you love with love, tell them the way that you feel.

   

The leaky bucket

    Louise Rafkin said, We live in a sweep-it-under-the-rug culture: We make messes, and then we ignore them. Or we hope no one finds out about them. Or we bury them in the Nevada desert and then hope the bucket doesnt leak. I say, this Thanksgiving lets pull that rug up and dance.

    Sure, we have bad habits; were not loving enough; we expect too much from others. Were not responsible when we foul up. But were alive in the world together, arent we? That is one of the greatest treasures on earth.

    So, maybe theres another way to look at our lives like leaky buckets, spilling out the best we can do.

    Shirley and Rod Davis have met with one of lifes challenges. Rod has been diagnosed with lung cancer and cannot work. They have no health insurance and mounting medical bills. To help, contact the Bank of the Pacific and the reference the Shirley and Rod Davis Donation Fund.